Or “How to Generate a Generic Post on Robotman’s Blog”, Part 1.
Seeing as how doing things twice (at the very least) is in vogue (see below), and seeing as how I’m very tired (OMG DÁ©jÁ vu!) I will now (superfluous parenthetical remark) prattle on and on (ad nauseam, ad infinitum) about precisely nothing that interests you – the reader – and only sort of occupies my frontal lobe for the time being until I have finished drinking my tea and have gone to bed.
Let the painting by numbers begin!
Step 1.
Type out long strings of words which are more or less structured into sentences. Use these sentences in an off the cuff way to describe something completely asinine and inane, throwing in some peculiar words so as to flaunt my expansive vocabulary. Make a self-deprecating remark that alludes to my relatively low station in life when contrasted with my mental acuity and lingual skill. For instance, the fact that while I weave these wonderful webs of words – to wow and to flutter the hearts of poets, dreamers and lovers – I stack boxes for money.
Step 2.
Use more words in grammatically correct sentences to convey just how much the first topic of discussion (that which you have just read) is both completely related and totally unrelated to this new topic of discussion – which happens to be something that I am certain you do not care about at all.
Step 3.
Construct and inflict a truly shameful pun. Gnome Chomsky.
Step 4.
Admit outright and in full that I did not, in fact, construct the aforementioned joke/pun/guffaw/gag/lol/wut, and that I did, in fact, steal it from the vast and uncharted Interweb which floats about all around us like the aether. Carry on in a repeat, or in somewhat of a mutated imitation of Step 3 and post another stolen image without any attribution to my blog.
Step 5.
Make some non-sequitur comment and pretend that it is almost funny. Show that I am not content to leave it at that and then proceed to bash all sense and taste out of the subject matter at hand. This can also be accomplished with a stolen, uncredited image.
Step 6.
Steer the “discussion” inevitably to the topic of female androids. Make some oddly placed comment about how I wish I owned a beautiful female android. Write more filler text about other subjects while acknowledging only to my self that my expressed desire for a female android is the only thing that really makes sense in all these pages and pages and pages of poorly-written drivel.
Step 7.
Glance at the clock, realize that I should be going to bed and abruptly cut off this annoying and futile rant by expressing one of the following:
- I am going to bed
- I can’t keep my eyes open any more
- I have important things to do
- I’m on a mission, and I can’t tell you that I’m a secret agent
- I’ve run out of things to say
Step 8. (For professionals only! Do not try this at home!)
For no reason other than it’s my fucking blog and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want on it, include a visual depiction of a beautiful female android – some gratuitous science, if you will.
