Yvonne was a woman I worked with at my first job. She was one of the most annoying people I have ever met. She had a habit of talking in a “baby talk” voice all the fucking time. She smoked like a chimney and always smelled of cigarettes. Her and her husband were miserly to the point of insanity. And she was also allergic to her own hair.
One day, as our manager and her crew of about 7 were driving out of town to work in Drumheller, Yvonne was acting up as she usually did. She never liked the manager, Judy and so she felt it necessary to complain about fucking EVERYTHING and to just be a stupid whiny bitch in general. This included complaining to Judy that she was driving to dangerously on the rural highway, and that this aggressive driving was re-injuring her shoulder.
Judy was not driving dangerously, so Yvonne was just being a stupid bitch. So when Judy ignored her, Yvonne put her left hand on her right shoulder, grimaced her face with a look of pain, and braced her right hand and arm to the ceiling of the van.
Now here’s where the story goes from pitiful to funny.
Within minutes, everyone else in the van was holding the same pose. Even the new guy, who didn’t know anyone. Judy was laughing so hard she was in tears.
I never asked Yvonne how her shoulder was after that.
And to illustrate how cheap Yvonne and her husband were… they gave a ride to a coworker and stopped (yes, completely stopped the fucking vehicle) in the middle of rush-hour traffic because they saw a fucking pop can and wanted to pick it up. This was in the middle of Calgary’s busiest highway.
And they made the coworker get out of the car to pick it up. Now that’s fucking insane. And it’s not like the good kind of insane that I have. No. I have a friendly, oddball kind of insane that makes me interesting. Not the kind of insane that gets innocent bystanders killed on the busiest highway for hundreds of miles.